Childfreelife’s Weblog











{September 11, 2008}   Biological Urges versus Thought Out Goals

So, someone today was warning me that in my mid and late thirties my biological clock would start ticking and I would reconsider having children. I informed her that my body has urges quite often and I allow my brain and my well thought out goals to supersede. There was this beautiful man hitting on me the other night for example–did I screw him? no, I am married and my goals and plans in marriage supersede my animal urge to jump the hottie. I assume, that like any other animal urge I have, the ticking biological clock will be something I can overcome when the time comes. I wonder if perhaps people who become overcome by their biological urges are people without well thought out goals. If your choice is between I am not that interested mentally and my body wants it physically, body might have a better chance of winning out. If the choice is between a goal to travel the world, be a great artist, or a successful lawyer and following a biological urge. If the goal is for a faithful happy loving marriage and a biological urge. If the goal is between an exciting nightlife and a biological urge. I am sure those choices the well thought out plan is easier to follow and the biological urge to reproduce.

Basically, remaining childfree isn’t that hard when you have good reasons for it.

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Interesting post. You know, I often give into my urges but thankfully they mostly revolve around chocolate. A little padding on the hips is better than a baby on the hips!



stepher says:

I echo Childfreeeee’s sentiments!

BTW, I subbed to you — it appears we have several things in common.

Stepher



Beatriz says:

Hi, I followed you here from Trent’s blog. I’m 47 and childfree and I had to laugh when I read how you’re always being warned about the biological clock. People said that to me also, but the darn clock must be broken, because I’ve never even had a twinge!

HOWEVER, in all fairness, I must warn you that I had a childfree friend who at 40 went berserk (in my eyes) and suddenly HAD to have children–to the point that she went through very trying and expensive fertility treatments and finally had one child, then at 42 had another without any extra help! (Well, probably a little extra help from her husband was necessary!)

My friend’s explanation for this sudden reversal was that she didn’t think life would be worth living if you didn’t leave something behind you when you died. My interpretation of this was that her biological urge to leave some genetic legacy on the Earth must have kicked in with a vengeance.

Why someone who was happily childfree all her life would suddenly feel bereft if she didn’t have children is a mystery to me. But apparently it does happen, it’s not just an urban myth. I wouldn’t have believed it unless I presenced it myself. So this may explain all those people’s warnings.

Myself, I’m happily looking forward to menopause and the cessation of my useless periods. I’ve never had the urge to reproduce myself (although a clone of my husband would be nice sometimes!) But why some of us have a functioning biological clock and others don’t is a mystery I will never figure out, I guess!



Michele says:

I am really enjoying your blog. I am 39 and my spousal equivalent is 46 and we are happily child free. My anxiety recently hasn’t revolved around the decision to not have kids, but making sure that I use the extra time and resources I have because of this decision in a meaningful way. I am hoping that I can leave a legacy greater than another body on this earth. I am hoping Beatrix’s friend found happiness with her kids, but maybe she would have found happiness in some other meaningul pursuit.



childfreelife says:

Michele,

I think you would like my post on legacies, and perhaps could add a good comment to it, I am what some consider young at 28, so I would love to hear about folks ten years older than me and their views of legacy.

https://childfreelife.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/legacy/



stepher says:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I nominated your blog for an Alltop Top Childfree News Blog & YOUR BLOG WAS CHOSEN!

All of the details are on my blog!!!

Oh and here’s the link to see the brand spanking NEW Childfree Alltop!!!

http://childfree.alltop.com/

To thank Alltop, please leave a note here:

http://blog.alltop.com/2008/09/childfree-news.html

This is a BIG day for Childfree Bloggers!

Stepher

PS – Don’t forget to snag an Alltop button! It’s not everyday you’re added to Alltop!



Sanne says:

To quote Steve Pavlina: those who don’t have goals of their own, get used by others to reach theirs.

People want you to have children: they want to become grandparents, make sure your race/religion/family name doesn’t die out, and hey… more children means more taxpayers, consumers and workerbees to feed our almighty economy! Woohoo! Score!!! Who needs a life of their own anyway?

I’ve been tempted more than once to reconsider my decision to live childfree. What if it really is the greatest thing in life? What if I regret not having them? But then I remember that I have goals of my own and a child does not fit in with those. This helps me stay strong in the face of milions of people who insist I should be ‘normal’ like them.



spiralmama says:

Brilliant! So well said. If everyone were running around acting out their biological urges, we’d have no hope of sustaining a civilized society.

The most intense cases of biological clock victims I’ve seen have oddly enough been women in their early 20s, back when I was that age. I’ve never felt even a bit of it, except for a couple of hours one morning in 2002 when an excess of caffeine clouded my judgment. I made sure to spend some time with my friend’s kid that evening, and I was cured.



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